


Return of the Son of the Bride of the Broodfester Throes

by chenab



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Decisions, Eldritch Horrors, F/F, Grimdarkness, Ladystuck 2014, vague science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:31:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenab/pseuds/chenab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Lalonde family is a family of elegant science women, even if one of them has a slightly different and less safe approach to science then the others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return of the Son of the Bride of the Broodfester Throes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EzzyAlpha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyAlpha/gifts).



> The request asked for a Lalonde clan and I did my best to provide. Also featured, science and a chainsaw.

No one in the Lalonde clan would ever describe Rose’s occasional incidents as magic in the traditional sense.  Magic implied the supernatural and the matriarch of the Lalonde clan had raised her daughters around too much science to accept anything as beyond the natural world.  However, unlike her mother or the actual clone of the mother that was her elder sister, Rose Lalonde was attracted to a different kind of science. Also unlike them, she did not bother with minor things like caution in her experiments.

This experiment started with a book she had found in the river.  It was a thick unmarked black tome that Rose felt compelled to open.  At no point in the process of cutting the thick chains surrounding the grimoire did Rose ever consider another course of action.  The fact that every session of reading the malefic texts contained within ended with her having to clean up the puddle of blood that had somehow pooled on her lap did not deter her in the slightest.  Neither her mother nor Roxy questioned Rose’s desire for solitude in her room or her sudden demand for books on Sumerian; to them a sudden interest in dead languages wasn’t all that strange compared to the army of cloned mutant cats in the lab below the house.

For Rose the army of mutants was rather convenient when pages started refusing to turn without an offer of animal blood.  All she had to do was slit a four eyed cat’s throat and allow the book’s pages to soak in the blood and more forbidden power was hers to have. To hide her actions she would burn the body and hide the ashes in Jasper’s highly desecrated grave, wear extra clothing and adjust her makeup to compensate for her new ashy complexion, and hide from her family in her room under the guise of pubescent passive aggression.

She had seen worlds in her dreams that defied normal geometry.  She had snuck out of her window and flown through the skies as an inky black cloud.  She could feel power just behind her fingertips, enough to blast her large home off the face of the earth.  The sheer certainty of her power was enough to keep her on her present course in search for more; she didn’t hesitate until one rambling sentence from her vampiric girlfriend made her doubt everything.

 

“Rose, I do not know how to say this without offending you, so I will just say it. Your blood tastes disgusting,” Kanaya said primly, resisting the urge to spit out the blood in her mouth.  The vampire (whose species was a phenomenon the Lalonde matriarch would some day get to the bottom of) moved away from Rose’s neck so that she could look her in the eye.  “Rose, are you alright?  You don’t feel warm or anything, but you used to taste so much sweeter than this. You aren’t sick, are you?”

“Kanaya, stop,” Rose said, not allowing her partner to get another sentence out.  “I’m fine, it’s probably just Mom’s attempts at cooking ruining my bouquet.”  She smiled.  “I’ve never felt better, really.”

“Really?  Roxy has been telling me you do not leave your room as often anymore.”  Kanaya said, putting her hand on Rose’s shoulder.

“I just started reading more,” Rose answered, feeling a strong compulsion to hide her new favorite book.  “Thats nothing new for me.”

Kanaya nodded understandingly. Then, suddenly, her hand flew to Rose’s cheek.  A single swipe of her thumb and the makeup beneath it moved away to reveal grey skin.  “This much is new. Since when did you wear makeup for purposes that did not involve looking pale and creepy?”

“Was it really that easy to tell?”  Rose asked.

Kanaya raised an eyebrow, as if insulted by the idea that she would miss a detail like that about Rose’s makeup.  “Rose, just tell me what this is.”

“It’s... an experiment.”

“Those mutant cats and that one velociraptor your mother thought was a good idea to revive were experiments. Do you know what you are doing?”

“Of course I do,” Rose stated with more confidence then she felt.  In a single moment of self-awareness, she realized just how absurd she seemed with her grey complexion and unexplained desire to protect the book that had brought it upon her.  In that moment she felt something burrow into her; it felt as if something slimy had suddenly constricted her soul. She opened her mouth, and the sounds that came out were not human.  They forced themselves out of her throat and reverberated around the room, guttural sounds with too many syllables overwhelming Rose’s tongue.

 

Kanaya looked at her girlfriend in horror for a moment, watching as inky tendrils of smoke snaked over her skin and burnt away her makeup.  As the corruption spread, she realized there was no time to lose and grabbed Rose by the arm.  The terrified girl allowed herself to be lead downstairs into the sub-basement, where the rest of the Lalonde clan was - as usual - working with large amounts of slime.

Roxy turned around first. She had a laser rifle in her hands, on the off chance that the experiment would result in a repeat of the Velociraptor Incident.  When she saw Rose, her eyes widened and her stance shifted.  She pointed her gun right at the eldritch abomination that was her beloved sister.  “Rosie, didja do something dangerous?”

Rose nodded; there was little else she had available, as far as communication went.

Roxy looked to her mother, who gave a very slight nod. She hefted the rifle and shot her sister straight in the chest.

Kanaya let out a distressed noise. “Don’t worry Kanye, I just stunned her,” Roxy said as she helped her mother place the unconscious girl in one of the innumerable glass tubes. “We’ve dealt with this before, just go to her room and find what possessed her this time.”

“This time?” Kanaya asked incredulously.  “You mean that she's started speaking in languages that require more tongues then she has before?”

“Actually, uh, that’s new,” Roxy said, typing sciency things into a console in front of a glass tube.  “She didn’t grow a tentacle again, did she?”

“Not that I saw, it was more just inky black tendrils coming off of her skin.  Also, she tasted terrible,”  Kanaya answered, heading towards the stairs.

“Tasted, you say?” Roxy gave her the most exaggerated possible wink.  “Well, that should make it easy for you to find what’s out of place.”

Kanaya turned red and ran upstairs.  Roxy continued attempting to figure out what was up with her sister this time, with the power of the most rapidfire sciences her fingers could type.  Her mother posed elegantly as she supervised, making sure none of the science was scienced incorrectly.  Multicolored gases filled the sealed tube, trying to force the tendrils of black eldritch energy to dissipate.  The black eldritch energy flared up in response.  Rose’s body lifted itself up, standing upright despite its usual tenant still clearly remaining unconscious.  Her eyes remained closed, and her head lolled to the side.

Rose’s mouth opened to let out a bloodcurdling scream.  Cracks begun appearing on the thick glass and her mother chose this moment to take out a stopwatch. Signs of worry began to appear on Roxy’s face when it became very clear that Rose was not going to stop for breath.  Rose’s mother, meanwhile, passive-aggressively refused to show any signs of emotion.

Eventually Rose was forced awake by the screams of torment coming out of her own mouth. The first sight to greet her was her mother’s bland half-smile.  The sheer passive-aggression of that expression caused Rose’s mind to immediately turn to passive-aggressive revenge.  The elder god possessing her suddenly found itself without adequate brainspace to actually go about possessing her.

 

Kanaya, meanwhile, entered Rose’s room again, after a quick trip to the garden shed.  She knew Rose very well; even if the room had recently been rearranged, there was only one place where she would hide something she didn’t want others knowing about.

Kanaya moved the bed. As expected, there, shoved unceremoniously under it, was the grimoire. The book opened up on its own, the ancient god realizing that its only chance at taking over the realm in a timely fashion was to enter it personally.  Its puppet’s surprising ability to kick it out of her mind was of little concern; it would rise and it would rule again, as was its due.  It manifested itself physically, tentacles lifting themselves out of the pages of an illustration in the book and taking physical form.  It was a creature of unimaginable power and horror, capable of inducing madness and ripping through the walls of reality itself.

The only flaw in its plan was that it had failed to account for an angry lesbian with a chainsaw.


End file.
